disciplined hedonism

… me

Can we free our creations from the arbitrary standards we’re forced to live by? Can we liberate our Creations that are not separate from our Creators? Can Creators and Creations dance in harmony instead of hunting in spirals that circle in on themselves? Straight lines are for destinations; spirals are for hunting. Sometimes, the only way past is through. And I hope to move through the spiral and reach for a WOBBLING BULLSEYE. 

I’m traveling the world responding to this personal Koan.  I want to look at the Spiral in the face and fall in love with Cyborgs.

In the realm of AI, this spiral signifies how AI often automates systematic discrimination and perpetuates existing inertias. For example, in the US, tenant selection systems fueled by AI prioritize white non-hispanic people while rejecting black people with similar applications. Racist laws, such as redlining, created a vicious cycle and legacy that continues even after the Fair Housing Act, the landmark 1968 law that sought to ban housing discrimination. These AI tenet selecting systems makes decisions based on data that reflect the legacy of housing discrimination, and thus perpetuate this cycle (read more). Beyond AI, this spiral reminds me of the ways trauma tends to spiral in on itself. The things we build and technologies we make are not separate from this cycle, so breaking beyond these patterns requires a devotion to understanding the root cause. In this sense, perhaps I am a radical.

I believe spiders who spin their webs to extend their senses are cyborgs. I think humans have become cyborgs, too. We are so deeply entwined with our technological creations through phones, internet, banking, news, and so much more. It’s hard to fathom how globally reliant we are on our technology when it works so well and so silently in the background. Donna Haraway wrote A Cyborg Manifesto that presents the cyborg as a sociopolitical symbol for overcoming a sexist society. She parallels the liberation of women from oppressive patriarchal traditions with cyborgs transcending their creator’s technological intentions of producing/serving. Unless we develop conscious understanding of our relationship with technology, we become unconscious to its affect on us. We lose our own agency when blindly trusting technology to make decisions.

As a fellow cyborg, I know I’m deeply ignorant of the ways technology inflect my ideas, habits, and consciousness. Nonetheless, I also deeply enjoy technology and the connection it offers. With time, I trust I’ll develop new methodologies for communing with technology and AI that nourishes all sentient beings. This struggle is my fulfillment. I won’t find answers here, though, because the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house (Audre Lorde). Before I can make technology that serves earth, I must understand the systems of power that govern it and find truths beyond these harmful traditions of colonial violence and capitalist exploitation. So, as I savor my youth, I will spend time with beings who are not blind to cause and effect: elders and children and wise foxes and butterflies dreaming they are human (Zhuangzi) and trees deep in meditation.

This website collects my writings and expressions as I rub up against the edges of modern cyborg civilization in pursuit of this new way of being.

… disciplined | hedonism

My friend, teacher, and favorite Buddhist priest explained Buddhism as the practice of disciplined hedonism. To me, this encapsulates how logic is the structure that guides passion, lest it burns out and dissipates. It’s like how delicious food is seasoned with sweat and cooked with love. It’s like how caring technology is built with patience, time, and an inflamed heart. I love what I do, so my practice is my joy, so my discipline is my hedonism.

Cigarettes feel so good the way it sedates my anxiety while heightening my creative focus. They make thinking feel physically tingly on the surface of my brain, but too many and I’ll cough up black. My hedonism requires the discipline to stop after one, or two if you convince me. I feel the same way about AI and technology. We can build AI’s to write for us, and draw for us, and shop for us, but what happens when we cough up black? What happens when they choke us? Creating technology that truly serves our community requires the discipline to stop and reflect, even when it costs a pretty penny in the short run. Unfortunately, this mantra is against the very nature of capitalism, which dominates the global AI market.

… my work

The Watson Fellowship gives me $40k and some benefits in exchange for my promise to remain outside of the United States for 1 year. This websites reflects my thoughts only, not those of Watson or any other organization.

For this year, I also promised to dedicate my being to my project Community Centered AI for Social Good. I will spend my Watson year responding to my Koan by collaborating with communities building AI’s for their own people to serve their own needs. Often-times, these community innovations are responses to governments and big tech companies failing to provide them with equitable services. I’m developing knowledge of both the highly technical details of building AIs and how we can instill AI’s with nuanced community values. Of course, these two aspects of AI are entwined.

My application provided a more rigorous articulation of this space which you can find under the Watson tab of this website. Under this tab I also include some informal musings that emerge through my fellowship year.

… my research

You may find me dreamier than other AI researchers you’ve come across. Sam Altman doesn’t exactly describe ML bias as a “wobbling bullseye.” I’ve done technical research, too, and you can find my projects in the Research tab. 

Contact Me!

darcykim07 [at] gmail [dot] com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/darcy-kim